Negativity today
So I was facebook-creeping someone from work and I was reading their notes. I have to steal one line – “I’m walking two strait lines so I can meet myself in the middle.” I feel that way soo much, except it isn’t as easily a dichotomy. In my case, there are multiple threads I’m balancing on, just waiting for one to snap, thinking somehow along the way that this is my strategy to win the world.
When the fuck did I get like this?
Life is actually more stable now than it has ever been, I think, but with all this balance I can’t refrain from setting the scene for risk. Maybe it’s to feel some new emotion, something more than the dull numbness I’ve coasted on for awhile now. I feel more passionate about the sorry bitch Dexter fucked on television than I ever would about anything in my own life.
So I’m going to a friend’s funeral today. Died in a car accident. I’m not touching those emotions with a ten-foot pole right now, just thinking of how I’m mourning the loss of other things too. I think I have yet to lose my innocence, but the last relationship really took a lot out of me. I think, damn, what’s ironic – this was the relationship where I’d distanced myself the most from, I was pretty damned independent through it all, yet in the end I’m fucked just as much as if I’d poured everything out of the empty glass, watching it spill all over the table.
The jew Schwartz at work asked me why I was always the one getting fucked, and not doing any fucking. He wasn’t talking sex, of course…..
Bright Eyes, Something Vague
So now for the positive, less vulgar, slightly more lady-like aspect of my life. There’s someone sweet I’ve been looking forward to seeing at work. That’s all I’ll say as I’d rather not make a fool of myself. It is a very nice change of pace.
