. : feisty wool : .

feistywool — Wed, 20 Oct 2010 01:28:13 +0000

I’ve seen this blog become my personal escape, logging emotions and inspirations for no one in particular besides myself, so it would be hard to leave out an out of the ordinary event.

Didn’t feel like the “dating” thing again. Maybe built a sturdy little wall up after the last relationship. Ok more than just maybe. I was sitting pretty in my little cocoon of a boring life, and just didn’t feel like I had the energy to try to let someone get to know me again. Finally I just said fuck it and when invited to chill with friends for the first time in awhile I went with it. A few more chillings later (I’m making that a word) – and this, dear friends, is what I experienced:

And that is before I even describe what it’s like holding a conversation with this person.
I feel like a giddy little kid.

Looking forward life right now.
New emotion, new song (both introduced by this new person):

goddamn electric bill, lost in the zoo.

Negativity today

feistywool — Tue, 05 Oct 2010 17:51:55 +0000

So I was facebook-creeping someone from work and I was reading their notes. I have to steal one line – “I’m walking two strait lines so I can meet myself in the middle.” I feel that way soo much, except it isn’t as easily a dichotomy. In my case, there are multiple threads I’m balancing on, just waiting for one to snap, thinking somehow along the way that this is my strategy to win the world.
When the fuck did I get like this?
Life is actually more stable now than it has ever been, I think, but with all this balance I can’t refrain from setting the scene for risk. Maybe it’s to feel some new emotion, something more than the dull numbness I’ve coasted on for awhile now. I feel more passionate about the sorry bitch Dexter fucked on television than I ever would about anything in my own life.
So I’m going to a friend’s funeral today. Died in a car accident. I’m not touching those emotions with a ten-foot pole right now, just thinking of how I’m mourning the loss of other things too. I think I have yet to lose my innocence, but the last relationship really took a lot out of me. I think, damn, what’s ironic – this was the relationship where I’d distanced myself the most from, I was pretty damned independent through it all, yet in the end I’m fucked just as much as if I’d poured everything out of the empty glass, watching it spill all over the table.

The jew Schwartz at work asked me why I was always the one getting fucked, and not doing any fucking. He wasn’t talking sex, of course…..

Bright Eyes, Something Vague

So now for the positive, less vulgar, slightly more lady-like aspect of my life. There’s someone sweet I’ve been looking forward to seeing at work. That’s all I’ll say as I’d rather not make a fool of myself. It is a very nice change of pace.

Lookin Good

feistywool — Mon, 26 Jul 2010 15:49:51 +0000

So I stayed up until 5 am last night just thinking about what I’m going to do with things. Thomas is sitting next to me playing final fantasy when I told him no more a few minutes ago, and I’ll probably move out as soon as the lease is up. My name isn’t on it but I figure it’s the most generous I can be. Anyways, he just said “Ok” and continued playing.
That was hella easier than I thought… easier than he let on to be! I feel so much better. Now on to more interesting pursuits.

Maybe I’ll drive to Chickasha today for that bit.

Bla

feistywool — Fri, 23 Jul 2010 22:46:51 +0000

I’ve finally got all my music in one place, compiled from flash drives, cds, and mp3 players… 30 gigs of love! Now I just need to finish shampooing the carpets and all is organized.

This guy… yes, the one pictured above… That is how I wish I felt today.
But I just don’t.
I don’t think of myself as a conceited person. I hate conceited people. I think modesty is always better and besides, it is always cool when people underestimate you. But I’ve noticed something lately. I don’t know where I’ve been the past few days, but it hasn’t been in my head, and I keep realizing I’m rambling about nothing (well more than usual) and being a bit conceited about it. Weird. Something is just SO off and I haven’t figured it out yet… let’s hope I can get myself together soon because this is driving me nuts =]

Bright Eyes, First Day of My Life:

feistywool — Tue, 20 Jul 2010 06:53:34 +0000

I’ve settled for a minimalist desktop for now, before I make the change and try out #! linux.

Anyone else thing #! is just the coolest way to abbreviate crunchbang? It’s not like I’m going to type “captain # cereal” but for now I like the pretentious way it makes me feel.

Complete Irrelevancy :

So I spent most of my day suppressing the constant urges to fill the bathtub with non-newtonian fluid just so I could stand on it. Yes.
I think the fact that I was really considering this at multiple points means I really need a new job. Or school needs to start. Getting a bit bored here.

As followup on the last post, yeah the depressed rant about the lunatics, I’d like to say that (1) Yes, I am genetically related to these people (2) If we make babies our children will have a pretty doubtful gene pool. But I must say the situation has greatly improved enough to where it doesn’t really affect me much other than that anymore.

I think I need to get some sleep.

Mates of State, Goods:

Everyone Is Crazy

feistywool — Wed, 14 Jul 2010 21:47:45 +0000

It’s all coming out now. Everyone’s inner emotions bleeding through the woodwork, staining the seemingly solid exterior. My grandfather is living in a tent on a lake (homeless, okay… homeless with hot temperature… another story); my aunt has excommunicated my mother for compassion (yes you read that right); my uncle is too busy playing victim to notice his gifted inheritance (and trying to fuck up everyone else’s perceived character in the process); and the children are either autistic or fucked (you can’t just mind fuck children by the way, they stay that way and don’t ever really recover…). The only sane people are dead or being torn into pieces, or on the sidelines incapable of helping. Or, lesbian.
So, without hyperbole:

Someone, PLEASE check everyone besides ME into a mental institution.

Now is the time to flip the light switch to prove your existence, God!
(Just kidding on that last bit, I’m pretty satisfied with atheism)

…I have an interview with Geek Squad in a few days. It may be easier than waitressing during school, only because I won’t have Mexicans hitting on me all of the time. Or so I think. We will see how that goes. My mother says it’s a great position of intelligence, a way to meet a good guy. My thoughts – if they are dumb enough to go to geek squad for their problems that is so not the person for me. Lmfao, mother, lmfao.

Without further mindless babbling, The House Wins by OK GO!

feedle-dee

feistywool — Fri, 28 May 2010 14:49:48 +0000

This is how I feel today—

Linux state of things—
Been fiddling with Conky (writing in Python – FUN!) and I have a lot of things I want to do to alter my desktop aesthetics… need to find a place to record all this so I don’t forget what it was that I wanted to do!

# – FINISH conky (get filesystem to list music file, others properly) (get net going, dl ipcheck.sh) (add gmail inbox, fbook?) (what do I want for dmesg? maybe ted’s rss?)
# – can I alter screenlets windowlist icons? I just want white txt @ top left
# – dock terminal in desktop via screenlets, constantly running mediatomb for PS3 (yay!)
# – fix mintmenu…
when I emply keyboard shortcuts to start panel menu for windows key… it opens a right click XFCE-style menu. but if I just right click… I don’t get that menu. I want it always so I can do away with mintMenu … but I need to know how to edit that windows key panel menu because it’s blue :O
# change gchrome theme lol.

That’s all I’ve got for now… looks like I was hella bored today!

And just because I couldn’t find a video of The City is Calling… Rocky Votolato, Suicide Medicine:

nb

feistywool — Sat, 23 Jan 2010 19:40:52 +0000

I know Jeremy wrote in his diary every day that we were in Peru. I’ve just never been a diary person… and I’ve got three failed attempts sitting on my bookshelf now, untouched for years. I think my mind has stayed in a sort of denial, still processing all that I saw in Peru …sort of a slow acquiescence into a less-than-innocent worldview. Proper, I think, with my 19th birthday last Saturday. With the recent Haiti crisis… I just don’t feel like I used to towards people in need and charitable circumstances. Hopefully that goes away when my subconsciousness has accepted the shock of Peru… and I’ll finally recount the trip here! Just a defense-mechanism theory.

This is a pretty cool time-lapse video by Ross Ching to Death Cab for Cutie’s Little Bribes.It’s worth watching but dummy wordpress won’t enable embed. So watch it!

The Eiffel Tower built to smaller scale
The freshest oxygen I’d ever inhale
I tapped a bottle against the safety rail
Killing timeAnd you were like a walking compliment
Tall in stature and exceptionally read
In dummy glasses and a cardigan
Oh come on
And oh so empty were the faces
Of the dealers and the waitresses around
You said that all these things
You’ve learned to ignore
The hidden cameras on the casino floor
And what gets paid for behind hotel doorsOh come on
Pretend every slot machine is a robot
Amputee waving hello
The people stare into their eyes
And they feed them little bribes
And then they go
The never ending twilight
In a basement where the sun has never spilt
You said that you were lonely
And then we kissed like lonely people do
You said this city has a beating heart
That pushes people down the boulevard
And they’re all hoping for a wish fulfilled
In a desert for a dollar bill
Those foolish dreams you know they plague me still
Oh come on
And oh so empty were the faces
Of the dealers and the waitresses around
And oh so empty were the faces
Of the dealers and the waitresses around
Empty …

-Little Bribes, Death Cab for Cutie

Renewed positivity and introspection

feistywool — Tue, 08 Dec 2009 18:16:50 +0000

Thomas reminded me of something yesterday, something our mothers used to say to us. Bad things come in three’s. He pointed out that I’m about due now, after my hurting my knee, the death of my grandmother before Thanksgiving, and my own illness after returning from Peru. I’ve been working since I’ve been back, trying to catch up to everyone and everything financially. I’ve also been reading more books – something I’m glad to return to. I went to the library and asked if I was still in the Pioneer system (from way back when, before I moved to MIA) … I actually remembered the 15+ library card number. Getting back to myself! In due time I’ll write about Peru and the things I saw there, the experiences I’ll never forget. For now, I’m just happy to be back in America with a hot bath waiting for me. Everything getting back on track.

… You will never make a good impression on other people until you stop thinking about what sort of impression you are making. Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original: whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring twopence how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of ten, become original without ever having noticed it. The principle runs through all life from top to bottom. Give up yourself, and you will find your real self. Lose your life and you will save it. Submit to death, death of your ambitions and favourite wishes every day and death of your whole body in the end: submit with every fibre of your being, and you will find eternal life. Keep back nothing. Nothing that you have not given away will be really yours. Nothing in you that has not died will ever be raised from the dead. – C.S. Lewis

Miraflores, Peru

feistywool — Thu, 29 Oct 2009 16:51:58 +0000

Finally here. Forget every little detail of life that’s had my focus lost for the past few months… Everything is absolutely amazing. We chose a great place for my first time out of the country.

All this is doing more and more each day, is improving my value of philosophy and culture. I’m definitely going to have to do this more often.

Better get off the internet, people are waiting.

UPDATE:
Piura, Peru

Matt Bayona Cruz, our translator. Jeremy and I.

Bought a few of the orphan boys candy.

The main road through Piura. The background there- cardboard houses one after another for miles.